Writing Contest - Sentences I Never Thought I Would Say Or Hear: Volume Seven

In Which I Say and Hear All Kinds of Bizarre Things, You Use Those Things As Writing Prompts, and The Winner Takes Glory, Bragging Rights, and a Free Year Of The Starfire Codes on Substack....

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SENTENCES, VOLUME SEVEN - THE RULES:

• Use one or more of these collected sentences in a story, a script, a piece of original music, or a poem that you write.

• No editing the prompts. They must remain intact.

• Post a link to the story, poem, music, or script you have written in the comments of this article so I can find them and so that others may enjoy reading these too.

• This link you provide will serve as your “entry.”

• The link must be listed in the comments of this article below in order to qualify as an entry.

• I will read all of these and choose a winner. I am a human being. I promise nothing but my own subjectivity as a judge. It’s the best I’ve got, so it will have to do.

• You may comment as much as you like, but only enter one piece for consideration. I only have one me, so unless one of you can clone me, you are only allowed to enter once.

• The winner gets glory, bragging rights, and a free year of SFC on Substack.

• You have until July 31, 2024, to submit your entry in the comments below.

• After that, I will create another post in which I will link all of the entries and announce the winners.

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And without further ado, here’s the prompt list for Volume Seven….

Sentences I Never Thought I Would Say

• I believe the majority of so-called mythical creatures shit glitter. It's the least they could do.

• Barney the invisible scapegoat.

• What kind of bird is that? The one chirping the Sanford and Son theme song....

• This is too much cuteness. I am dead from the cuteness. The weaponized cuteness has killed me. I don’t know how I’m still typing this from beyond the cuteness grave.

• I’ve yet to go to Frog Forest Boom Box Fest, but I won’t rule it out. Looks like a great time!

• We didn't just cast pearls before swine. We strung them up on a rope and clasped them around Mabel's neck so she'd have something to clutch at the fundraiser.

• When you ask them about it, they just give you that knowing laugh…. kekekekekek….

• "Because fuck you. That's why." - Diogenes

• Better to always be ourselves. We like us better that way.

• See, that’s what REAL lust should be like. None of this lukewarm milquetoast 2020s might-as-well-be-a-eunuch, VR-helmet-wearing, stick-a-toe-in-and-see bullshit. No bizarre apologetics. All in. Go big or go home.

• No one leaves Alpaca Pack.

• The alien muppets need a Swedish chef crossover….

• Your holobiont is full of unobtainium.

• It's a spectrum. It goes from Nordcuck to Techno Viking.

• Hawaiian alien cowboy Jagermeister deer at a winery?

• Also, you can’t post photos because last time I had to shut down the thirst bots that came after you with the threat of rusty spoongasms. Freaking weirdos.

• I hate when all the cow-sharks start floating around the countryside….

• I hate eating, so if I'm going to eat, I want to actually like it.

• You’ll have to pry my shenanigans from my cold, dead hands.

• Speckles goes hard in da brine.

• Buffalo Bill goes hard in da lotion.

• You were out. And you flew back in. What are you?! The Al Pacino of flies?!

• Stuff it, Patty. We have several massively uninhibited people who will show you how. Inquire at the information pagoda.

• Veronica is MECHA-HEATHER.

• You must pylon additional constructs.

Sentences I Never Thought I Would Hear

• I honestly didn’t know frogs turnt up like that. The more you know!

• Not sure why, but I’m picturing us in a convertible. And it feels like a top-down kind of day. Maybe because wild & messy wind-blown hair matches the theme of a scenic drive through dumpster fire shit-show clown world-land!

• We were meant to problem solve how best to bash rocks and hunt mammoth.

• I really identify with the punk rock chicken.

• I'll wager a Phoenix shits nothing but liquid gold covered in glitter.

• Dork dork dork dork….starting to sound like those alien muppets!

• I never thought you would learn to speak fluent poltard.

• Just cause your name's Paul and you got some bunyans, that don't make you no motherfuckin' Paul Bunyan.

• Story idea: Harry Potter serving in Vietnam is given orders to hunt down colonel Voldemort deep in the jungles of Cambodia. "They tell me I gotta kill him to end this madness. I wonder: can you kill what's dead inside?"

• I’d share a pic of myself wearing a fake mustache, screaming, and throwing devil horns while standing in front of a Sid Vicious leprechaun hanging on the wall of the lab, but, y'know, anonymity and all that.

• Stuff like this is why I can't open carry a flamethrower.

• That's delulu. Hemingway would have kicked that guy's ass. Well, if he wasn't too drunk to do it. No, he would have still kicked that guy's ass. He would have fallen over into him PANDA STYLE!!!

• Hemingway don't give a fuck.

• You can take our lives, but you will never take… our SHENANIGANS!!!

• Oh crap, I thought you were just being random! Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.

• Veronica is the ultimate Heather.

• Who's the Fucktardia fucktard that will replace him, and what kind of Fucktardia era will they*attempt* to usher in? Always a fucktard, led by shill lobbyist Fucktards, with some fucktard corporation behind them, with Dr Evil fucktard owning that corporation, hiding in the shadows of Fucktardia.

• How did you not know that’s Komodo Basilisk Dragon?!?! COME ON.

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JUNE 2024 WINNERS:

THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of the participants for playing my game with me and making this an absolute blast!! 🙏🏻💜💫

🎉🥳🎉 Congratulations!!! 🙏🏻💜💫

Andrew | Dad Explains

Brett Dill

Sometimes There's A Stranger In The Kitchen

Jack Everly

Matthew Haviland

Poetry: "The Road: The World."

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Special thanks to

Apollo's Lyre

, bonedaddy03, Cat Tron,

Christopher Cook

,

Jacqueline Rendell

,

James Costello

,

Jeremy Mercier

,

Jessica J

, Kobalevsky 42,

leithian

,

Lisa Kuznak

,

Rat

,

Stone Bryson

, and Taoist Sage, as well as all of the participants and winners!